2006 Darwin Awards
“Named in honor of Charles Darwin, the Darwin Awards salute the improvement of the human genome by honoring those who accidentally remove themselves from it, thus ensuring that the next generation is one idiot smarter. Of necessity, the Awards are generally bestowed posthumously.”
The 2006 Darwin Awards have been finalised and the winner is:
HIGH ON LIFE: “Take a deep breath…”(3 June 2006, Florida) Two more candidates have thrown themselves
into the running for a Darwin Award. The feet of Jason and Sara,
both 21, were found protruding from a deflated, huge helium
advertising balloon. Jason was a college student, and Sara
attended community college, but apparently their education had
glossed over the importance of oxygen.
When one breathes helium, the lack of oxygen in the bloodstream
causes a rapid loss of consciousness. Some euthanasia experts
advocate the use of helium to painlessly end one’s life.
The pair pulled down the 8′ balloon, and climbed inside. Their
last words consisted of high-pitched, incoherent giggling as they
slowly passed out and passed into the hereafter.
Sheriff’s deputies said the two were not victims of foul play. No
drugs or alcohol were found. The medical examiner reported that
helium inhalation was a significant factor in their deaths. A
family member said “Sara was mischievous, to be honest. She liked
fun and it cost her.”
The runner-ups for 2006 deserve a mention as well:
The first runner-up award went to Kennon from Belize who tired to recreate Franklin’s famous experiment with the kite and the lightning storm. Sadly for Kennon the length of copper wire he had dangling from the kite came into contact with high-tension power lines and as a result Kennon’s experiment and his life were terminated early.
The second runner-up award went to a Brazilian genius who was trying to disassemble a Rocket Propelled Grenade (RPG). After failing to do so by driving over the RPG with his car he found that a sledgehammer did the trick. Unfortunately he ended up disassembling the RPG, himself and six cars as well.
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